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Dear Abby,
I’ve been talking to someone for several weeks. We’ve even gone out a few times, and I had a great time. I think my date had a good time, too, because they continue to text and send snapchats every now and then. We’re making plans to see each other again. The problem is, I don’t know how they really feel about me. We haven’t talked about “what we are,” and it’s driving me crazy to wait for one of us to make a move. At this point, I go back and forth on whether they even like me or not. Please help.
Thanks,
Confused and Unclear
Dear Confused and Unclear,
Sounds like a common problem. Dating can be messy, and starting a dating relationship can sometimes be the hardest step. My advice to you is that dating should go somewhere.
If he or she is just messing around with you, say “buh-bye!”
College is fun and about new experiences. I’m not telling you to overthink things or put more pressure on one date than there needs to be. Say yes to a cup of coffee. Let him buy you a drink. Ask that girl to your semi-formal, and tell her you had a great time afterward. If it doesn’t go anywhere, that’s okay. Dating takes practice. But remember: your time at Clemson is precious, too. Don’t waste it on someone who is stringing you along. I promise Tigertown has way more to offer than that.
Dating can be a blast. The beginning of a relationship is lighthearted; you’re just getting to know each other, and everything is new and exciting. Ultimately, however, dating should go in one direction or the other. Either you’re going to break up, or you’re going to get married. I’m not being harsh or assuming everyone wants to get married. 28 percent of college students marry their college boyfriend or girlfriend, and 85.1 percent of college-age females want to be married by age 30. Why should we pretend dating doesn’t serve a purpose?
So, in the spirit of clarity, here are a few tips.
#1: Ask. Ask if it’s a date. There is no harm in texting, “Hey, is this a date or just hanging out?” If you’ve been out a couple of times and are wondering if your Downtown Friday nights can be better spent, ask where things are going. If you want upfront and honest, be upfront and honest. Here’s a wild idea: when you’re initiating an invite, to begin with, say, “Would you like to go on a date with me?” Clarity can start from the get-go, but if it doesn’t, don’t be afraid to ask for it.
#2: Let go of Snapchat. I don’t mean to delete the app. I mean get a phone number the old-fashioned way. Some people (ladies and gents) may prefer Snap because it’s less pressure. Oftentimes, it takes the sting out of rejection because you can confidently get a Snapchat before asking for a phone number. Avoiding rejection still comes with a cost: confusion and dragging things out. Ask yourself which is worth more. If you want to be taken seriously… text first, don’t snap. Better yet, call. Communication is key in any relationship. Start early.
#3: Be the person you’d want to date. Ladies, if you expect chivalry, be classy. Strive to be a good listener. Thank him if he pays for the meal. Guys, if you expect a quick “I’m not into you” text rather than ghosting, be straightforward. Now, don’t be a creep or overbearing – if she acts uninterested, take a hint and move on. Do not “be the person you want to date” in order to attract someone you’re not; do be authentic. If you’re genuine, you might just get genuine back.
To quote the indubitable Ed Sheeran, “Don’t call me baby unless you mean it.” Good luck out there, tigers!
Sincerely,
Abby
